Robbery Attempt Numero Uno (or, the valiant little eggplant)

Let’s just say, using my grocery bag of recently purchased eggplants to fight off three men on motorcycles who were trying to rob me has vastly increased my appreciation of this particular vegetable.

It happened on Saturday, a block away from my house, on a smaller street that I’ve taken many times before. I was coming back from the vegetable shop where I’d purchased eggplants for the eggplant parm I cooked on my big Italian food cooking day on Sunday. Our Spanish classes had taken a joint field trip to the beach, so along with my bag of eggplants I was carrying a shoulder bag made bulky with my towel, water bottles, books, etc. 

As I came to the edge of the sidewalk on the corner, a man on a motorcycle (they’re called motos here) came up, too close, and said something to me in a somewhat conversational tone. I stepped back, since for a second I thought he was just trying to get by, but then another one came up on his motorcycle and grabbed at my bag, and then his third friend was there with his moto hemming me in.

When the second guy grabbed my bag I shouted something like, “Nuh uh,” and tugged back, but he kept pulling and trying to take off on his motorcycle with it. Which is when the adrenaline kicked in and I yanked it back and started yelling, “No! F*&#% you!” super loud and smacking him with the bag of eggplants…and then when the eggplant bag broke, I just went on hitting him in the shoulder and back area as hard as I could.  

Of course really all I had in my shoulder bag (although I do happen to be fond of this particular bag) was my wallet with about 10 mil (~ five bucks), my phone, my Spanish Harry Potter and a towel, and so even as I was shouting at the guys and swinging away I was thinking, “Hmm, this is a little bit dumb…”

Although I obviously didn’t hurt the guy, I succeeded in making enough of a scene that the guy let go and they drove off, leaving  me and my bag on the sidewalk (as long as they aren’t armed, the goal here is really to get in and out without any fuss and they’d stuck around way too long at this point). But then to top off the “American gets robbed in Colombian Neighborhood!” event, I succumbed to the adrenaline and screamed “F&*^# you!” as loudly as I could as they drove away and gave them the middle finger. 

I was a little pissed?

And then of course came the “helpful” neighbors who’d watched the whole thing retelling the story to the entire neighborhood, which turned into something like this, in a few different but in hindsight, hilarious variations—

First man: “There were three men on motos! They tried to rob her! They didn’t get her bag though, she hit them!”

Neighbor woman: “They hit her!? Is she okay?”

Me: “No, I hit them. I’m fine! I have everything.”

Second man: “Yeah, there were three men! She hit them!”

Other woman: “She got hit?! Is she hurt?!”

Me: “No no, I hit them! I’m fine!”

….etc. Until finally, using broken Spanish, I convinced the women I was totally fine and that I hadn’t lost anything to the moto robbers, at which point I collected my scattered eggplants and managed to scurry away home. 

…So, yeah. Take that, Colombian men, who think small white girls with large bags are easy targets!

Ahem. All I can say is, I super hope they don’t figure out where I live…Meanwhile, the eggplants turned out super deliciously!

Eggplants ready to be cooked :):